Just July 3.

So today was just another day but so much more.
i got tan arms and a LITTLE tan on my legs but they are still white :)
The back of my neck however is TOTALLY BURNED.
all i can do is hope and pray that it tuns into a nice tan like it usually does.

Now i am babysitting.
Eric is a little chatter box.
form the moment i walk through the door, to the moment he crashed
he was talking. he talked about anything..... and yes, EVERYTHING
it's rejuvenating. it means there is no awkwardness of a random stranger
and i don't have to do as much entertaining. YIPEE!
James is just crazy! talking in his own little way and always wanting to play.
i can't believe a year ago i knew this little boy to be SOOO shy and in his own little world.
Now he loves to make shooting noises and squeal! haha, it's quite amazing actually.
Natalie. What can i say?
she is so amazing. really mature and knows what to do without a word.
so helpful and it screams.... why do i even need to be here?
i am not complaining though. i love these kids and would spend time with them ANY day.
there of course is one little guy that has grown up in a flash!
little Steven...
sniffle! he is getting so big.
it seems like yesterday that i saw him a day old.
now he's almost ONE?!?!
he is actually quite peculiar.
he knows he does not like his crib. set him in he cries.
and i am a sucker for baby cries. i just can't see it happening around me :(
i then repeatedly pick him up and bounce him until he is so sleepy.
his eyes will get all heavy but every time he feels his eyes close, he shoots them back open
as if there were something scary on the other side of a little bit of sleep.
after he finally gives in it's time to put him in his crib.
SIKE! he's awake again. but this time he will admit he is tired and move around to get comfortable and close his eyes, but you can't leave his side.
you have to hold his hand and wait.
he is so cute.
i finally just let him sleep like that.... for like an HOUR.
then i found it safe to put him in his crib.
Everyone is safe asleep and everything is alright.
thank goodness prayers are answered!

I got to write Erik a letter while i was letting Steven sleep a little bit.
i have come to realize that for me, writing letters is rejuvenating and very therapeutic.
when i write it puts things out of my head and down in front of me.
i get an epiphany almost every time. it's great!
letter writing makes you think "do i really mean that?"
and "what do i want?" when some one asks what's new with me in a letter,
in the reply i must be truthful. i have more time in replying then i do in person so why not make it very honest and real?
and when you are writing to someone you really care about... that just reinforces it.
a best friend. i won't lie to you and even though you may not want to hear it, you are going to get it because you asked. hehe, you know next time you ask me a question in a letter you are going to be really careful aren't you?
i know i know.
i do tend to drone on and on about nothing and i feel really good about writing it but in the end i edit and sometimes don't even send the letter.
it may be seen as a waste but a letter to you is really helping me more than anything else.

oh and don't you hate it when you get online for one reason and ONE reason alone
and you get distracted or for some reason cannot receive the message?
well, i get on for one purpose and one purpose alone and do not receive the message because i am lost in thought of the letter i am writing. GREAT!
my night just went from happy to mostly sad.
i am indeed going to have to open the ben and jerry's i bought and watch a chick flick.
so sad it is. right under my nose!!!
i think this is a new lesson to not get wrapped up in letter writing
and maybe i should've stopped while i still had the chance.
i must point out that letter writing may uprise some emotional feelings and problems you didn't want to go into.
caution for those wanting to write a letter:
it's better to tell a person IN person.
haha! but there is justification if you physically CANNOT do that.
(yay, i'm justified!)

i guess this is a rather jumbled blog so i will stop while i still have the chance.
:)
i'm thinking of you, really!


Countdown:
there is really no date i am counting down to right now.
i have a lifetime to find happiness i already have and
not another day to procrastinate

live.laugh.love