May 4, 2010

I made it through yet another semester here at ASU. I have made it through an entire year of college life and i still long for more sleep. I can say that this semester was a lot better than last semester though. Cheesey as it may seem, I have found myself. Who i really am. I compare my many years of living and I have one thing sticking out in my mind especially right now. "living in the moment" All i heard throughout high middle and high school was that phrase. LIVE FOR THE MOMENT. I don't know what was up but it seemed like when i was "living for the moment my life was great for only the moment and it would suck not too long after. The problem? It wasn't the phrase or the peer pressure. It was simply that i was living for the wrong moment. I was told by all the wrong people to live for the moment. I was told that the moment i was living for was because i could die the next. Still a true statement but it was taken in the wrong sense. As a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints, We are counseled to live for the moment too only it wasn't the moment i was living for. The difference is in the perspective. Growing up, it was about doing everything you can because you might not get to go bungee jumping if you die tomorrow. You won't be able to kiss a boy if you die tomorrow. You won't find another stupid moment with your friends like this so do it, do it NOW. do it because there is nothing better for you if you die tomorrow. Well as you can tell things have changed. I'm living for the moment but that moment is tomorrow i may die, i may not see my friends for a very long time but Tomorrow may also be the day i met my maker. Who am i afraid of? I don't mind anymore what people think of me as a person if i say no. Standing my ground is what my moment is. Could i possibly die, give up my spirit knowing that i didn't put up a fight for my rights? Could i be happy with whatever is to come next if i know that i was as a fickle little girl only doing things for the moment of pleasure and not the moment or eternal happiness? I'm living in the moment. I'm living this moment for the moment to come. Not the non-existant moment that would make me want to do something stupid because i might not get another chance like this. This is a long journey i'm on. i'm trying not to get caught up in the future and the things that will make me happy in the future but i'm not living for the wrong moment either. What moment are you living for? Whatever it is, i hope it makes you happy... Eternally.

-StephANii